AOLer's Diary
Unknown

July 18- I just tried to connect to America Online, which I've heard is the 
         best online service I can get.  I can't connect, I don't know what 
         is wrong.

July 19- Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem.
         I don't see why.  He's just trying to cheat me.  How dumb does he 
         think I am?

July 20- I bought the modem.  I couldn't figure out where it goes.  It
         wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer.  I'm confused.

July 21- I finally got the modem in and hooked up.  That three year old next
         door did it for me.

July 22- That three year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for
         me.  He's so smart.

July 23- Whats the internet?  I thought I was on America Online, not this 
         internet thingy.  I'm confused.

July 24- The three year old kid next door showed me how to use this America
         Online stuff.  He must be a genius, at least compared to me.

July 25- I tried to use chat today.  I tried to talk into my computer but
         nothing happened.  Maybe I need a microphone.

July 26- I found this thingy called USEnet.  I got out of it because I'm
         connected to America Online, not USEnet.  I went to the doctor 
         today for my regular checkup.  He says that since I connected to
         America Online, my brain has mysteriously shrunk to half its normal
         size.

July 27- These people in this USEnet thingy keep using capital letters.  How
         do they do that?  I never figured out how to type capital letters.
         Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.

July 28- I found this thingy called the USEnet Oracle.  It says that it can
         answer any question I ask it.  I asked it 44 sperate questions about
         the internet.  I hope it responds soon.

July 29- I found a group called rec.humor.  I decided to post this joke about
         why the chicken crossed the road.  To get to the other side! Ha Ha!
         I wasn't sure if I posted it right, so I posted it 56 more times.

July 30- I keep hearing about the world wide web.  I didn't know spiders grew
         that large.

July 31- The oracle responded to my question today.  Geez, it was rude.  I
was
         so angry that I posted an angry message about it to 
         rec.humor.oracle.d.  I wasn't sure if it posted right, so I posted
it
         22 more times.

August 1- Someone told me to read the FAQ.  Geez, they didn't have to use 
          profanity.

August 2- I just read this post called make money fast.  I am so excited, I'm

          going to make lots of money.  I followed his instructions and
posted
          it to every newsgroup I could find.

August 3- I just made my signature file.  Its only 6 pages long, so I will 
          have to work on it some more.

August 4- I just looked at a group called ALT.AOL.SUCKS.  I read a few posts
          and I really believe that AOL should be wiped off the face of the 
          earth.  I wonder what an "aol" is, however.

August 5- I was asking where to find some information about something.  Some
          guy told me to check out FTP.NETCOM.COM.  I've looked and looked,
          but I can't find that group.

August 6- Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing.  I told
          him I don't have an account at his bank.  He's so dumb.